Transitions

Summertime in our house is officially over.  I went back to work this week and while the State Fair is still going on and our weekend plans include a trip there, going back to work equals the end of summer.

This summer, I had a lot of people respond when I mentioned not having to work summers... "Oh, that must be nice!" or "How great that you get to spend all that time with your son."  Or something similar.

And by the end of the summer?  A part of me wanted to scream back.  No.  It's not great.  Yes, I love my son.  No, we're not loving summertime.  We've hit our limit spending time together as mama and son, and I imagine that toddlerhood plus pregnancy have contributed to that feeling.

A part of me felt extremely guilty for those feelings.  Who wouldn't love spending time with their kids?  Doesn't everyone want to be a stay at home mom?  And when people would tell me that it's totally normal to feel that way, I'd smile and nod, but in my heart feel like it wasn't actually true.

And then, the most wonderful thing happened.  I went back to work this week.  While that in itself was lovely, it was talking to my colleagues that told me I'm not alone.  I heard things like "Summertime equals work" or "We're not sad summer is over" or "Workshop week is like vacation."  I wanted to shout "AMEN!" to all of those things.  And with those statements, I've been able to start my journey into "acceptance."

I love my son.  And I love that I still get every other Friday off during the school year to spend with him.  He's hilarious and a cheeseball.  He's adorable, huggable, and fun to squeeze.  And I get to enjoy all of those things all the more when I'm able to go to work, put my training to work and let someone else spend the day with him.

I don't write this to get all kinds of "Oh, it's okay" type comments.  I know it's okay.  I've been told it's okay.  And I'm finally starting to realize it's okay.

And if you're a working mama who wants to work and doesn't cry every time you leave your kiddo at daycare, I'm right there with you.  If you're a mama who knows she'll be saner if your child(ren) goes to daycare even though you don't have to work, I'm right there with you.  If you're a working mama who loves her child(ren) more than anything else, I'm right there with you!

Better go... my son is banging on the crib happily and ready to get up from a nap... :-)