Transitions

Summertime in our house is officially over.  I went back to work this week and while the State Fair is still going on and our weekend plans include a trip there, going back to work equals the end of summer.

This summer, I had a lot of people respond when I mentioned not having to work summers... "Oh, that must be nice!" or "How great that you get to spend all that time with your son."  Or something similar.

And by the end of the summer?  A part of me wanted to scream back.  No.  It's not great.  Yes, I love my son.  No, we're not loving summertime.  We've hit our limit spending time together as mama and son, and I imagine that toddlerhood plus pregnancy have contributed to that feeling.

A part of me felt extremely guilty for those feelings.  Who wouldn't love spending time with their kids?  Doesn't everyone want to be a stay at home mom?  And when people would tell me that it's totally normal to feel that way, I'd smile and nod, but in my heart feel like it wasn't actually true.

And then, the most wonderful thing happened.  I went back to work this week.  While that in itself was lovely, it was talking to my colleagues that told me I'm not alone.  I heard things like "Summertime equals work" or "We're not sad summer is over" or "Workshop week is like vacation."  I wanted to shout "AMEN!" to all of those things.  And with those statements, I've been able to start my journey into "acceptance."

I love my son.  And I love that I still get every other Friday off during the school year to spend with him.  He's hilarious and a cheeseball.  He's adorable, huggable, and fun to squeeze.  And I get to enjoy all of those things all the more when I'm able to go to work, put my training to work and let someone else spend the day with him.

I don't write this to get all kinds of "Oh, it's okay" type comments.  I know it's okay.  I've been told it's okay.  And I'm finally starting to realize it's okay.

And if you're a working mama who wants to work and doesn't cry every time you leave your kiddo at daycare, I'm right there with you.  If you're a mama who knows she'll be saner if your child(ren) goes to daycare even though you don't have to work, I'm right there with you.  If you're a working mama who loves her child(ren) more than anything else, I'm right there with you!

Better go... my son is banging on the crib happily and ready to get up from a nap... :-)

July

July has been a whirlwind for the Ehrenberg family!  We had so much going on, it's easiest to share its happenings with you in one blog post with bullet points (who doesn't love bullet points?!)

• Went to 3 states (Massachusetts, North Carolina, Iowa)
• Spent 26+ hours driving in the car
• Spent 14 hours in airplanes and airports
• Saw 18+ family members
• Went to the beach
• Went to 2 rivers
• Got overwhelmed by 2 waves
• G tried 5 new foods (M&Ms, lemons, limes, orange moss dessert, chocolate eclair dessert)
• Countless hugs, kisses, and cuddles

We were in Massachusetts for my brother's wedding.  They threw such a fun party and it was a great time.  We're so excited as they begin their journey in marriage!

Afterward, we took a road trip down the East coast to my parents' in North Carolina.  G was such a trooper and did an awesome job in the car!

We spent a week and a half at my parents' relaxing and checking out all things North Carolina including my mom's workplaces, the Bodie lighthouse, the beach, Goose Creek National Park, and Bill's Hot Dogs (twice!)

Outside The Fish Hooks Cafe, where Oma works

First time at the beach!  It was fun as long as Mom or Oma was close by

Playing with water at Oma & Papa's house

G and I travelled solo on the way home and found easy entertainment by playing peek-a-boo with the tray tables.  

Once home, Nick and I made a quick turn-around trip to Des Moines for my dear friend Emily's wedding.  It was so fun to see them married and fun to have our own little weekend getaway while G spent the weekend with Grandma and Grandpa.

Our August is blessedly quiet without travel; something we're looking forward to!

Summertime

It's officially summertime in our house and we're about to kick off a jam-packed July, right after finishing a jam-packed June.

We just came home from a quick weekend up in Detroit Lakes to celebrate Nick's cousin's marriage to his wife - so fun to see family, other little babies, and get away for just a quick trip.  On Wednesday, we fly out to Boston for my brother's wedding - we're so excited to celebrate with them!  After that, we'll road trip down to my parents' place to spend just over a week there.  When we get back, we'll head down to Des Moines for a quick weekend for one last wedding.  And then...

Sigh.  There's nothing planned.  Except relaxation!

But, we love summertime.  Playing, exploring, spending time with friends and family.  I love the free time and time with my boy.  More updates to come as we keep on summering!

A year later

It's Mother's Day today.  And it's my son's birthday.  (We rock the dual holidays around here - next month, my birthday and Father's Day are on the same day). Last year, the night before Mother's Day, a little boy came into this world at 8:53 pm, weighing 8 pounds, 6 ounces, and measuring 21.4" long.  His skin was wrinkly, my hands were swollen, I was pumped full of Pitocin and exhausted after having been admitted over 48 hours before he arrived.

But, I was in love.  I didn't know what I was getting into, but I knew that little boy that had just arrived had been growing inside me for 9 months.  9 surreal months of kicks, heartburn, exhaustion, a growing belly, 3D ultrasounds, and a rapid boy's heartbeat.

When I look back on the past year, some things surprise me.  Others don't.  Some things I expected to do, others had never even crossed my mind.

I'll confess I  never expected to be peeling hot dogs so my 1 year old would eat them to get some protein in his diet.  Nor did I expect to be so sad to be done breastfeeding when we finished this week.  I was told the love for a child is indescribable and they were all right.  I'd do anything, jump over any mountain, stand in front of any car.  Anything.

So, with that, a few more things I did... or didn't... expect:

• The feel of two little arms around your neck, giving one more hug
• The belly laughs when he gets so tired, anything is funny
• The way he gets excited and crawls faster
• The love I feel watching a boy play with his daddy
• His fascination with water (especially the dog's water bowl!)
• How adorable he is with just his diaper (or nothing!) on
• How hard, yet rewarding, the act of breastfeeding is
• How fast and slow a whole year seems
• How his face lights up when he sees someone he recognizes
• How he stays just a little closer when we walk into somewhere unfamiliar
• How my heart still skips a beat every time I look at his newborn pictures

I could make an endless list, but I'll stop there for now.  Motherhood has been more amazing and challenging than I ever imagined.  I can't wait to see what another year brings!

Lather, Rinse, Repeat

I've had a lot of different thoughts going through my brain lately.  This is pretty typical, actually.  The thing is, I have a longer-than-average drive to and from work Monday-Thursday (but I'm careful to say it's not the longest - I think Nick takes that prize!).  On those drives, sometimes I listen to the radio, sometimes I call and talk with someone, or sometimes I just drive in the quiet.  Earlier this week, I was listening to the radio and Untitled Hymn by Chris Rice came on the radio.  It took me back to days (college, I think?) when I loved Chris Rice.  It made me want to go find my CDs, put them on my computer, and listen all day long.

But here's the bigger thing that struck me.  There's a verse in the song that goes like this:

And like a newborn baby,

don't be afraid to crawl.

And remember when you walk

sometimes we fall.

So fall on Jesus.

Fall on Jesus.

Fall on Jesus and live.

 Having a crawling baby gave so much more weight to this verse than it ever has before.  I've watched
my son spend 6 weeks rocking on all fours before he figured out how to move both hands and feet to get forward motion.  I've seen him try to crawl and end up going backward.  I've seen him crawl forward and then faceplant on the ground because he's not quite strong enough.  And now, he's pulling himself up on his knees, sometimes on his feet.  He's pulling himself up in the crib and looking mighty proud of himself.  And then he falls.  Sometimes on his thick, cloth-diapered butt with a smile.  Sometimes backward and on his head before mom and dad can catch him.  And then the red-faced tears come.  And we pick him up.  Heart-breaking cries are usually easily abated by tickles and laughs.  And then, the most incredible thing is, he tries again.  Lather, rinse, and repeat.

I know that with time he'll become more steady.  And before I know it, he'll be climbing and walking.  He'll be running, riding a bike, and who knows what else.  But in the span of his life, he's spending a decent amount of time learning the ingredients to get there: crawling, standing, cruising, small steps, big steps, and lots of falls on the way.

I do this a lot in my faith.  I've been thinking as Lent is approaching (next week!) what I might do differently for the 40 days of the season.  40 days, nearly 6 weeks.  The same amount of time it took my son to move from rocking on fours to effectively crawling.  I feel this pressure to get it right inside me.  To do something that will really be meaningful this time, not something that I give up because I feel like I have to give up something, and then talk about it like a badge of honor for 40 days.

So, what will I give up?  I haven't decided yet.  I may not give up anything - I might add something in instead.  Or I might just keep on trying to get up, fall down, and then get back up again.  And know that when I fall down, my heavenly father will pick me up, dry my tears, and help me move on.

 Lather, rinse, and repeat, just like the shampoo bottle says.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

9 months old

This week, Gideon turned 9 months old.  I can hardly believe it!  Today Nick said to him "You've been in this world just as long as you were growing in your mommy's belly."  Wow, I can't believe it.  I love him more every single day.

A few things exploded developmentally this month.  We went from rocking on all fours to all-out crawling.  Now comes the time when we're moving things out of reach and reorganizing so all those cords aren't so accessible.  But the payoff is that this boy loves playing on the floor and crawling around.  He's happier playing by himself longer, and happier playing with someone!

Gideon now makes "raspberries" with his lips (and drool!).  He also loves receiving raspberry kisses.  He would have loved Granddaddy Jake.  He also loves spinning in circles.  It makes his mama dizzy, but he laughs and smiles nonstop.  This kid may just be an amusement park lover, and his parents won't complain!  Gideon has also started reaching out for mama or daddy when they come close with his arms and will snuggle in to their shoulder when he feels shy.  So sweet.

Since he's more mobile, our 9-month photo session was a bit more interesting!

reflection

It's a quiet Friday morning at home.  The kind of mornings I love where the baby is napping, the dog is asleep on the couch next to me, and the Spotify is playing.

...

It took us a long time to get here this week.  And, honestly, it isn't how I pictured my Friday this week.  Last night I was angry, frustrated, and exhausted.  I had no patience.  And I was feeling guilty.  Because, honestly, I didn't want another day off with just me and the baby.

This isn't a pity post.  This isn't me reaching out for sympathy or empathy.  It's a thankful post.  Thankful we've gotten to this point.

Yesterday, we went to the clinic.  Gideon had had cold symptoms that seemed to worsen and worsen.  He wasn't napping at day care.  He was fussy and whiny, which is so uncharacteristic for him.  I had fears of ear infection.

Good news.  No ear infection.  Just a cold.  Could last 14 days (!).  Keep doing what you're doing.  Trust your instincts, mom, we're glad you brought him in.  He looks like a happy, healthy boy.  This too will pass.  Here's some saline drops if you need them.

No. No. No. No.  You mean you're not going to give me medicine that will fix him?  You mean I should stay home with him tomorrow instead of send him to daycare like I'd planned, but he'll probably be a pill to take care of?  You mean I have to cancel my plans for tomorrow?  You mean I took a half day off of work for you to tell me you can't really do anything?

Except I did get something out of it.  I got peace of mind.  I know my baby's okay.  And I know he'll get better.  In fact, he's better today than yesterday.  Is he still sick? Absolutely.  But does he cuddle a little more when he's sick?  Yes.  Does he nurse a bit longer, curled up close to me?  Yes, please.

Last night I didn't want today to come.  I was dreading spending yet another day with my almost-8-month-old.  Let's be honest, we all have days like that.  It doesn't make me less of a mom to dread a day of wiping a snotty nose, short naps, and whining even when we're not tired.

But God blessed us with a solid night of sleep, which hadn't happened since Sunday night.  He gave us a morning wake up time after 6am, which is pure gold these days.  And now?  He's been napping for 2 hours.  2. hours.  He hasn't done that in the morning for almost 2 weeks.

So, we're getting there.  Spotify is playing.  Dog is next to me on the couch.  Slippers are on.  Baby is napping.  Laundry should be done (it might not be today).  Groceries will be bought later.  High today of 32.

Sweet mercy.  Blessings.  What else could I ask for?

6 months, 7 months, and more!

It's been a long time since posting!  It's incredible to me how time can fly between working 4 days a week, checking things off your weekly to-do list, and a million other things on the calendar!

In November, this little boy turned 6 months old!  It flew by so quickly, but was so fun.  During his 6th month, we celebrated Thanksgiving and saw LOTS of snow.

 In December, this cutie turned 7 months old!  He's showing off 2 bottom teeth and still loves to smile, laugh, and giggle.  He loves to throw things on the floor and watch them fall, and then enjoys someone picking them up for him :)

We spent our first Christmas experience at Grandma and Grandpa Ehrenberg's house.

We learned this boy loves boys from gifts and eating them (of course!).  It was a lovely first Christmas and this little boy was SPOILED!

 Then, we took our very first plane trip to see Oma, Papa, Granny, and more family in North Carolina.  G met Granny for the first time, along with a lot of cousins and other family members.  Spoiled again, this boy had a great time!

Early morning Christmas napping...

 Playing with sweet Miss Paisley and new toys.

Playing with Auntie Anita - she sure knows how to play with little babies!

Goodnight time with Uncle Jack. 

It was a great extended Christmastime!  We're so blessed to have spent time with loving family both near and far and miss them all already.  Can't wait to see them again soon!