Summer Reflections

It's almost August.  We've been living a whirlwind of a summer, listing our house for sale, living in upheaval for showings for the house, and praying fervently that someone, anyone will love our house AND be okay with the neighborhood.

As summer approached, I felt a sense of dread.  All I remembered from last summer was this feeling of "is it over yet?" when we hit the middle of August.  And all I could think was "Aah!  It's summer.  And we're trying to sell our house.  And we don't have any vacations planned.  No time away to get away from the crazy.  Am I crazy?"  Probably.  But now that it's almost August, I'm finding myself thinking that I don't hate the summer so much.  Busy?  Yes.  Pushed farther than I thought I could go?  Absolutely.  Hard days?  No question.  Stressful?  Yes.  Overwhelming?  Yes.

But I've been reflecting on the good things that have come out of having to drop everything and clean house and go.  Like more time with friends in the neighborhood who we've really been wanting to spend time with.  (Who, by the way, almost always said yes when we texted and asked if we could please, pretty please, come over for a while).  And expert knowledge about which playgrounds and parks nearby are toddler friendly.  Which ones aren't.  Which ones are actually open and not under construction.  And we've learned flexibility to some extent with our schedules.  When we can skip naps or go to bed late and then when enough is enough and we all just need days to nap when we nap and go to bed on time.

I've also learned more trust.  To trust my husband to clean the house, sweep the floor, and clean the bathroom and not have to feel like I need to double-check it.  Because there's no time.  And he's already taken the time to ask me how I do it.  And I just need to trust that he's done it.  To trust that showing after showing will be worth it.

And not only that, which is huge, we're enjoying our summer.  We go to parks.  We've become friends with the story time lady at the library.  We hang out with friends.  We go to the farmer's market.  I get play time with my toddler while the baby sleeps.  And giggle time with the baby while the toddler naps.  And (gasp!) I even get mommy's me time while both of them usually nap at the same time.

As I've been reflecting on how much better this summer feels, I've been asking myself what's made the difference?  Here, in no particular order, are the few things that have helped:

I bought a gratitude journal.  I had birthday money to spend at Target and after wandering around for minutes (because I don't have hours to wander...), I found this lovely little journal.  It's a great mix of just lines to say what I'm thankful for as well as prompts such as "people I appreciate" and "opportunities I have."  It's been a great way to reframe my thinking, and something I've been wanting to do since I've read Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts.

I've decided to choose happy.  Maybe a coincidence, though I'm not sure coincidences exist, I stumbled across a photo on Facebook that said "choose happiness."  Inspired, I made the image my lock screen on my phone.  Every time I go to unlock it, this bright, happy pictures reminds me to "Choose happy."  Because while there are often external factors that make me happy, I do believe that being happy is ultimately a choice.  Paul wrote it in I Thessalonians 5:16-18:

Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

 I've been exercising.  I heard about this amazing program called No Excuses Workout.  I started slowly with a few of their free workouts.  Then, when a bootcamp came along, I couldn't say no.  It's positive.  It's encouraging.  The coaches are never negative.  I never feel bad if I can only get in 10 minutes of a work out.  I don't feel bad if I can't work out because my kids have funky naps that day.  But I feel great when I do get to work out.  Once I've sweat, drank tons of water, and done a workout that's simple (not easy), I feel so much better.  I have energy.  I'm in a better mood.  I'm not falling asleep on the couch at 8pm.  I'm not nearly as crabby after my kids' afternoon naps.

I'm praying.  Honestly?  I think this is the biggest one.  As we waited and waited for offers on our house, Nick and I started to reflect that we weren't as dependent on God as we needed to be.  Because it always happens in His timing, not ours.  He's already made that evident in our lives (both our kids came on God's timeline, not ours.  But it was so much better than the timeline we'd imagined).  And so we started to pray that he would make evident what we needed to do.  That he would give us grace and patience.  With the selling process.  With each other.  With the kids.  With schedules in upheaval.  I'm not saying that praying made it all go away or made it infinitely easier.  But, praying definitely made me feel like I had the frame of mind I needed to tackle this endeavor.  And to trust him.

p.s.  We had 2 offers on our house!  While we've not been shouting this news from the rooftops, we're so very cautiously optimistic that things will work out and that by September, we'll be in a new house!

thirty.

Nick and I both celebrated birthdays last month, turning the big 3-0.  June is always a busy month for us with school ending, my transition to staying home with the kids, my birthday, Father's day, and then Nick's birthday.  Before we know it, June is over and it's already July 1st.  Wow.  The good news is, that makes surviving the summer seem much more doable!

A few pictures of our celebrations this month...

Nick surprised me with a birthday date over my birthday weekend.  Dinner and a movie, a rare treat for us!

These two on my birthday.  They really love each other.

Daddy with his kiddos on Father's Day.  He's the best dad.

Birthday donut tower for birthday breakfast.  

Smiley girl.  My dad calls me "Suzy," so this is a picture of two S

Wuzies...

Walking to Dairy Queen for another birthday treat.

The day after his birthday, I surprised Nick with a birthday celebration with our Life Group and friends with grilling, cake, singing, and just general merriment.  Fun was had by all.

Maternity Meditations

I'm wrapping up my 7th week of maternity leave and just finished my first week of leave home with just the newborn baby girl and myself.  Now that we're a family of four, the days seem oddly quiet when just the two of us are home, daddy is off to work, and big brother has gone to daycare.  It's left me a lot of time to think about all the changes, and has given me some "thoughts."  (Okay, meditations was alliterative, but they're not really that deep...)

It's incredible to me how much faster things seem to be going the second time around.  Nursing has gotten easier, faster.  Sleep seems to be going longer and better, faster.  She's moving up into the next size of clothes, diapers, etc., faster.  Is it actually faster?  Probably not.  But because it's relatively "easier" for us as it isn't a complete world of unknown, I think we're less stressed about the changes.

When it was time for big brother to go to daycare (we pay for it anyway, and it's a good change of pace for him), I was so looking forward to it, since he's currently a talkative ball of energy that never stops for attention.  But when he was gone?  It was too quiet in the house.  I missed the endless "Mommy, read book.  Mommy sit down.  Mommy.  Mommy? Mommy." (It still makes me think of this Family Guy clip...)

But I want time to go slow.  Go oh, so, very slow.  Because I look at this girl and think... she's not going to want to rock to sleep forever.  She's not going to be small enough to carry in this Moby forever.  I won't be able to leave her lying on the couch unattended forever (Ha!).  She won't be nursing forever (never thought I'd think that one...).  How did she already outgrow that newborn onesie?  

My favorite thing?  Watching big brother with his little sister.  He woke up this morning and the first thing he did was ask about his sister.  He kisses her goodbye when he leaves for the day and loves to say "night night" to her when it's bedtime.  He loves that they get to take a bath together.  And if she turns out any bit as crazy and cheesy as him, we're going to have a grand ole time.

The moral of the story?  We're happy.  Oh, so happy. And even when things are tough (believe me, they are...), I'm so happy to be a family of four and can't imagine it any other way.  

Time to go feed little sister, so I leave you with a few pictures...

He's more of a ham than ever imagined, and knows when the camera is on him!

Sweet.  Just.  Sweet.

Transitions

Summertime in our house is officially over.  I went back to work this week and while the State Fair is still going on and our weekend plans include a trip there, going back to work equals the end of summer.

This summer, I had a lot of people respond when I mentioned not having to work summers... "Oh, that must be nice!" or "How great that you get to spend all that time with your son."  Or something similar.

And by the end of the summer?  A part of me wanted to scream back.  No.  It's not great.  Yes, I love my son.  No, we're not loving summertime.  We've hit our limit spending time together as mama and son, and I imagine that toddlerhood plus pregnancy have contributed to that feeling.

A part of me felt extremely guilty for those feelings.  Who wouldn't love spending time with their kids?  Doesn't everyone want to be a stay at home mom?  And when people would tell me that it's totally normal to feel that way, I'd smile and nod, but in my heart feel like it wasn't actually true.

And then, the most wonderful thing happened.  I went back to work this week.  While that in itself was lovely, it was talking to my colleagues that told me I'm not alone.  I heard things like "Summertime equals work" or "We're not sad summer is over" or "Workshop week is like vacation."  I wanted to shout "AMEN!" to all of those things.  And with those statements, I've been able to start my journey into "acceptance."

I love my son.  And I love that I still get every other Friday off during the school year to spend with him.  He's hilarious and a cheeseball.  He's adorable, huggable, and fun to squeeze.  And I get to enjoy all of those things all the more when I'm able to go to work, put my training to work and let someone else spend the day with him.

I don't write this to get all kinds of "Oh, it's okay" type comments.  I know it's okay.  I've been told it's okay.  And I'm finally starting to realize it's okay.

And if you're a working mama who wants to work and doesn't cry every time you leave your kiddo at daycare, I'm right there with you.  If you're a mama who knows she'll be saner if your child(ren) goes to daycare even though you don't have to work, I'm right there with you.  If you're a working mama who loves her child(ren) more than anything else, I'm right there with you!

Better go... my son is banging on the crib happily and ready to get up from a nap... :-)

July

July has been a whirlwind for the Ehrenberg family!  We had so much going on, it's easiest to share its happenings with you in one blog post with bullet points (who doesn't love bullet points?!)

• Went to 3 states (Massachusetts, North Carolina, Iowa)
• Spent 26+ hours driving in the car
• Spent 14 hours in airplanes and airports
• Saw 18+ family members
• Went to the beach
• Went to 2 rivers
• Got overwhelmed by 2 waves
• G tried 5 new foods (M&Ms, lemons, limes, orange moss dessert, chocolate eclair dessert)
• Countless hugs, kisses, and cuddles

We were in Massachusetts for my brother's wedding.  They threw such a fun party and it was a great time.  We're so excited as they begin their journey in marriage!

Afterward, we took a road trip down the East coast to my parents' in North Carolina.  G was such a trooper and did an awesome job in the car!

We spent a week and a half at my parents' relaxing and checking out all things North Carolina including my mom's workplaces, the Bodie lighthouse, the beach, Goose Creek National Park, and Bill's Hot Dogs (twice!)

Outside The Fish Hooks Cafe, where Oma works

First time at the beach!  It was fun as long as Mom or Oma was close by

Playing with water at Oma & Papa's house

G and I travelled solo on the way home and found easy entertainment by playing peek-a-boo with the tray tables.  

Once home, Nick and I made a quick turn-around trip to Des Moines for my dear friend Emily's wedding.  It was so fun to see them married and fun to have our own little weekend getaway while G spent the weekend with Grandma and Grandpa.

Our August is blessedly quiet without travel; something we're looking forward to!

Summertime

It's officially summertime in our house and we're about to kick off a jam-packed July, right after finishing a jam-packed June.

We just came home from a quick weekend up in Detroit Lakes to celebrate Nick's cousin's marriage to his wife - so fun to see family, other little babies, and get away for just a quick trip.  On Wednesday, we fly out to Boston for my brother's wedding - we're so excited to celebrate with them!  After that, we'll road trip down to my parents' place to spend just over a week there.  When we get back, we'll head down to Des Moines for a quick weekend for one last wedding.  And then...

Sigh.  There's nothing planned.  Except relaxation!

But, we love summertime.  Playing, exploring, spending time with friends and family.  I love the free time and time with my boy.  More updates to come as we keep on summering!

A year later

It's Mother's Day today.  And it's my son's birthday.  (We rock the dual holidays around here - next month, my birthday and Father's Day are on the same day). Last year, the night before Mother's Day, a little boy came into this world at 8:53 pm, weighing 8 pounds, 6 ounces, and measuring 21.4" long.  His skin was wrinkly, my hands were swollen, I was pumped full of Pitocin and exhausted after having been admitted over 48 hours before he arrived.

But, I was in love.  I didn't know what I was getting into, but I knew that little boy that had just arrived had been growing inside me for 9 months.  9 surreal months of kicks, heartburn, exhaustion, a growing belly, 3D ultrasounds, and a rapid boy's heartbeat.

When I look back on the past year, some things surprise me.  Others don't.  Some things I expected to do, others had never even crossed my mind.

I'll confess I  never expected to be peeling hot dogs so my 1 year old would eat them to get some protein in his diet.  Nor did I expect to be so sad to be done breastfeeding when we finished this week.  I was told the love for a child is indescribable and they were all right.  I'd do anything, jump over any mountain, stand in front of any car.  Anything.

So, with that, a few more things I did... or didn't... expect:

• The feel of two little arms around your neck, giving one more hug
• The belly laughs when he gets so tired, anything is funny
• The way he gets excited and crawls faster
• The love I feel watching a boy play with his daddy
• His fascination with water (especially the dog's water bowl!)
• How adorable he is with just his diaper (or nothing!) on
• How hard, yet rewarding, the act of breastfeeding is
• How fast and slow a whole year seems
• How his face lights up when he sees someone he recognizes
• How he stays just a little closer when we walk into somewhere unfamiliar
• How my heart still skips a beat every time I look at his newborn pictures

I could make an endless list, but I'll stop there for now.  Motherhood has been more amazing and challenging than I ever imagined.  I can't wait to see what another year brings!