As summer approached, I felt a sense of dread. All I remembered from last summer was this feeling of "is it over yet?" when we hit the middle of August. And all I could think was "Aah! It's summer. And we're trying to sell our house. And we don't have any vacations planned. No time away to get away from the crazy. Am I crazy?" Probably. But now that it's almost August, I'm finding myself thinking that I don't hate the summer so much. Busy? Yes. Pushed farther than I thought I could go? Absolutely. Hard days? No question. Stressful? Yes. Overwhelming? Yes.
But I've been reflecting on the good things that have come out of having to drop everything and clean house and go. Like more time with friends in the neighborhood who we've really been wanting to spend time with. (Who, by the way, almost always said yes when we texted and asked if we could please, pretty please, come over for a while). And expert knowledge about which playgrounds and parks nearby are toddler friendly. Which ones aren't. Which ones are actually open and not under construction. And we've learned flexibility to some extent with our schedules. When we can skip naps or go to bed late and then when enough is enough and we all just need days to nap when we nap and go to bed on time.
I've also learned more trust. To trust my husband to clean the house, sweep the floor, and clean the bathroom and not have to feel like I need to double-check it. Because there's no time. And he's already taken the time to ask me how I do it. And I just need to trust that he's done it. To trust that showing after showing will be worth it.
And not only that, which is huge, we're enjoying our summer. We go to parks. We've become friends with the story time lady at the library. We hang out with friends. We go to the farmer's market. I get play time with my toddler while the baby sleeps. And giggle time with the baby while the toddler naps. And (gasp!) I even get mommy's me time while both of them usually nap at the same time.
As I've been reflecting on how much better this summer feels, I've been asking myself what's made the difference? Here, in no particular order, are the few things that have helped:
I bought a gratitude journal. I had birthday money to spend at Target and after wandering around for minutes (because I don't have hours to wander...), I found this lovely little journal. It's a great mix of just lines to say what I'm thankful for as well as prompts such as "people I appreciate" and "opportunities I have." It's been a great way to reframe my thinking, and something I've been wanting to do since I've read Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts.
I've decided to choose happy. Maybe a coincidence, though I'm not sure coincidences exist, I stumbled across a photo on Facebook that said "choose happiness." Inspired, I made the image my lock screen on my phone. Every time I go to unlock it, this bright, happy pictures reminds me to "Choose happy." Because while there are often external factors that make me happy, I do believe that being happy is ultimately a choice. Paul wrote it in I Thessalonians 5:16-18:
Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
I'm praying. Honestly? I think this is the biggest one. As we waited and waited for offers on our house, Nick and I started to reflect that we weren't as dependent on God as we needed to be. Because it always happens in His timing, not ours. He's already made that evident in our lives (both our kids came on God's timeline, not ours. But it was so much better than the timeline we'd imagined). And so we started to pray that he would make evident what we needed to do. That he would give us grace and patience. With the selling process. With each other. With the kids. With schedules in upheaval. I'm not saying that praying made it all go away or made it infinitely easier. But, praying definitely made me feel like I had the frame of mind I needed to tackle this endeavor. And to trust him.
p.s. We had 2 offers on our house! While we've not been shouting this news from the rooftops, we're so very cautiously optimistic that things will work out and that by September, we'll be in a new house!
